Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Planning for the worst, hoping for the best

So, I really don't like being woke up to the words, "Do you want the good news, or the bad news?" from Tony when he comes home from work for lunch. I can't function on a normal level yet & he's making me pick, he won't just tell me what the hell is going on. I say, "I don't care, gimme both, bad first, I guess." Bad news-they've cut his hours....again. Good news-he's still got a job. They laid off another 4 people & they said this is it. If this doesn't do the trick, they're done. Great. They've taken away hours & given them back to him 4 times now. And I would have really appreciated them cutting the hours off the end of the shift instead of the beginning so we could have time together, but, no, he's still getting home with enough time to grab a kiss while I jet out the door to get to my own job on time-when I get there on time at all. At least they only cut his hours by an hour a day. I think it's doable. He was down to 30 hours a week at one point & that was tough. I don't know what will happen if either of us lose our job. He wants to move. Seriously, what does he think we'll find living out of a relative's basement somewhere else. I had to tell him, "Babe, we won't find a job anywhere. Idaho isn't the only place you can't get a job."

I have known his job may go under for quite some time. Me being the great planner under pressure that I am have put virtually nothing into savings, and have even dipped into it for stupid reasons. Mostly because when the going gets tough, this tough cookie goes shopping. I can't wait to get our W-2's from work. I loved being told at the beginning of the month that Saia is great about getting them to us, and me having to correct her, saying it was nearly the end of January when we got them last year. Here we are, January 27th, same boat. As soon as we get the damn taxes done & our refund back, we'll FINALLY be able to pay off our medical bills from having to pay for my pregnancy & birth of Shawn from our own pockets. That will be nearly $400 I can "put away" every month. And I really, really need to do that, instead of spending it.

So, I'm hanging up the credit card....well, in theory, anyway, since I don't have a credit card. I really have to plan on one of us losing our jobs & then really hope it doesn't happen. I would go out on a limb & say I am probably just as likely one of these nights to get called into the office & get handed a box to clean out my stuff. I really hope I'm not hanging that close, but who knows? I just don't want to take for granted that I'm going strong there when I've been warned anyhow.

Times are tight-everywhere. This can't last forever, right? At least I don't live in California, where they're saying that people owed a refund from the state will be granted a big, fat I.O.U. because the state doesn't have it to give.

On a positive note, I have straightened out my head a little bit & I feel a lot better than I have in several weeks. My family is strong, and we can get through anything together. I'm thinking less of major disaster, and just living for today because I know that's all I can do. A person cannot logically plan for chaos. I have to plan for now for my family, not 3 years from now. And the "problem" I have written about before, well, I decided it's really not an issue at all. Funny how things work out. Guess I just needed to come out on top of the inversion, and that helped my depression a bit, but I know they're talking about it getting smoggy again by next week, so soak up the sun while you can, it's going into hiding again soon.

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