Here we are another average night-uh, morning-well, night, I guess, for me. Most people are beginning their day as I am ending mine, but I am okay with that. As it is, I barely slip into bed before my husband's alarm clock begins to scream in the silence. Despite knowing what time it is, it still startles me nearly every time.
Anyway....I really don't think there's much purpose to me writing now except that while I work my brain goes crazy on me (or I just go crazy), and this is my outlet when I'm not feeling creative enough to be able to draw. Last week I was thinking about the inner-workings of my brain, and I came up cold. Well, kinda down, even, knowing that I can't go back to where I used to be. You grow up, you get married, you get a job. And suddenly one day you wake up & you have to be responsible, you can't just fly by the seat of your pants anymore. You have to make decisions based on kids, family, & work. It's not always the decision that you WANT to make, it's the decision you HAVE to make. I am not a responsible person, so this is becoming increasingly difficult for me to wrap my head around. My so-called "conflict" seems to be that despite the fact that I have a some-what teenager-ish problem, I have to deal with it as an adult.
As I type, I know it seems so cryptic to read, to try to figure out what my problem could be, or just follow what the hell I'm talking about at all. Sorry, this is what I got. Music gets to me at work, silence gets to me at home, but I don't dare switch the two around to see where that leads me. My brain is going to lead me one way, and I'm hoping that for the first time in my life, my heart won't go its own way & it may listen to logic this time around. But is that truly what I'm hoping? I just don't know. And if I can't find the answers I'm looking for inside myself, where can I go to find the truth? I don't think they sell answers at the Chevron down the block, so I guess, for now, I'm stuck.
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