Oh, life is gonna change this year, I'm-a tellin' you! I feel good for the first time maybe ever. I feel like I have a direction & I have some drive & I have a person or two I may be able to call on. And, maybe for the first time ever, I don't really care if I don't have someone to call on. I'm okay with me. It's a new & completely different feeling, but DAMN it feels good! :) I'm excited to be me for the first time ever & I don't really care what direction that takes me because I'm not afraid to be me anymore. I'm not afraid to go out on my own & discover who I am with or without Tony. I'm not so tied to him anymore that I'm anxious to do anything without him. I can have my own thing. It feels GREAT! I don't know if it's the medication (although I'm certain that isn't hurtin' anything!), or the therapy....maybe I'm finally at my last straw. Who knows; who cares? I'm stoked. I've never been optimistic about myself before. That may seem weird for some people, but really, I have never been particularily excited to just be me before. I have never (ever) reached inside me to figure out who I am, but now that It's happening to me, I'm down, I'm ready to learn who I am. I think I actually had to reach the bottom of what I was to actually look inside & wonder who I am. I'm trying new things--with & without someone standing next to me. I think I'm learning a lot about myself. I think I'm realizing I'm not the person I identified with so solidly. I think I've been hiding for a very long time behind something extreme. I hope Tony is ready for the very new me. I love him, but I'm truly not sure he will be willing to accept this Medina. He became accustomed to the Medina that was willing to degrade herself to make him happy, and I'm not her anymore. I am going to make me happy for the first time in my life. I have found a new patience, a new bounce, that I certainly didn't have before. A new strength. God, I hope this feeling lasts. I hope this feeling isn't just medication, I hope it's me finally breaking through.