Today there is something very different on my mind than me. For years now, I have struggled with my beliefs, wondering if I had any at all, and today, for some reason, I have had an epiphany. I do believe in God. I definitely believe there is a much Higher Power than myself, and this Earth. The problem doesn't lie within by belief, it lies within the concept of organized religion & people telling others what to believe within themselves.
I believe there is an Ultimate Being who knows when a person, like myself, has a genuinely good soul. The God I see in my heart know that humans are all, well, human. I believe that He is busy with all that is going on in the world & really doesn't have time to listen to people beg forgiveness or say "Hail Mary"'s. I believe He knows when you're truly sorry & doesn't need to hear it.
And I believe that the 7 deadly sins cannot dictate the person you truly are. Of course, there are a couple that I believe in, nobody should kill or commit adultery, but I believe lust, gluttony, envy, & pride are a part of us, despite what the Bible says. I don't think anyone should feel guilty for being human.
I believe God is equally balanced with science, and that He works with science, not in contradiction to it. I believe evolution is real, but also that at some point, someone had to be the first human in order to get to where we are now.
Organized religion, in my opinion, only dictates how we should live our lives, tells us who to be, in the hopes of getting to a place that nobody has ever seen, and nobody can truly say exists. I believe in Heaven, too, but I don't know to what extent.
I do believe, despite how busy God is, he hears our prayers, although He can't always answer them. I also believe that there is a certain amount of fate, as well, and if it's our fate that something happens to us, there isn't a prayer God can answer for us to save us from our own destiny. But, I believe He steps in when He needs to. And Karma has something to do with that, too, I suppose. I think if you are a genuinely good person, good things come your way.
Recently my mother-in-law was taken from us, which is a big reason this has been on my mind for the last few months. The night she had her stroke, I prayed for the first time in a very long time, just in case someone might be listening. She was probably the greatest person I have ever met. Very kind, gentle, I never once heard her pass judgement on anyone, no matter what their faults may have been. Yet, she also struggled from the most health problems I have ever seen in one person. When I prayed for her that night, I simply asked God for one thing, don't let her suffer. I didn't want to be selfish & just ask that she not die. Those next 5 days were not easy for her, but when she left us, she left with an amazing amount of people at her bedside, and even more people loving her from farther away. And I know she wasn't perfect in her life. I think God heard my prayers that night & knew her quality of life after the stroke wouldn't have justified the unconditional love she showed people around her every day. I believe he gave her the ultimate gift by taking her, even though we miss her so much. And I know I'll see her again someday.
When I started this rant, I wasn't even thinking about her, but it kind of spiralled in that direction. My mom was raised very strick Roman-Catholic, but never once mentioned religion in our household, or took us to church. It has left me grasping for truth my whole life. Not that that's a bad thing, mind you, as I think I made a very extraordinary conclusion on my own. It only took me 27 years to get there....
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